amagon is the adventure of a man who crash lands on an island. come to find out, the island he lands on is worse than hell. because he crash lands into an island in a game called amagon. where LOST had a couple of hot women and a creepy nigerian priest, amagon has a man with pink cut off jean shorts and a rifle.
wherein mario bros had a learning curve which graduated over time, amagon pretty much said "fuck it, first level. 60 birds, snakes that shoot fireballs and crabs in trees. and make the first level boss impossible to avoid."
the enemies are comprised of normal animals that are, i guess mutated all to fuck. there's crabs in trees, a lion headed boss. a two faced sheep head that spits flames and floats. which would be pretty cool if they didn't throw every fucking enemy at you at the same time. and if every boss was impossible to defeat.
now our hero is armed with a rifle, 300 bullets...and...that's it. you can kill enemies for ammo but by the time you waste 10 bullets on two mushrooms, you get 5 bullets. does anything add up here? oh yeah. if you press select after collecting the icon that looks like a faceless 1920s era weightlifter, you morph into an ultra gay version of yourself. he has more power, is able to uppercut the shit outta mushrooms and shoot beams from his tits. yes. shoot beams from his tits.
generally i'd love to beat the game i REALLY do. i played as much as i can. i remember this game as a troubled preteen and i wanted some of that old nostalgia back. but going back and playing this made me want to replace said nostalgia of playing this with memories of a faceless uncle touching my swimsuit area.
BETTER THAN: E.T.- the game, being strangled by neo nazis in front of your children.
WORSE THAN: solid waste disposal.
4 comments:
I wonder how the ending would be?
I picture a bunch of plantation resembling some disease.
i laughed until my dog thought i was crazy. *insert generic thumbs up smiley icon*
LOL
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